Sunday, November 22, 2009

Because 6 is playing craps and he's afraid to role a 7.

Q: Why was 6 afraid of 7?
A: Because 6 is playing craps and he's afraid to role a 7.

Ah... interesting... this is the first time since this blog began that both 6 and 7 are not being personified. 6 is, but 7 is not. In this case it plays against your expectations that 6 and 7 will be personified, because in the end it is a man presumably named 6 who is in Vegas, Atlantic City or some Indian reservation and would simply be enraged if he rolled a seven and lost all of his money... or at least the money he had on this bet.

It brings up a lot of questions: what did he bet, why is the man's name 6, and why would this ever be the punchline to this joke... but it is interesting none-the-less.

Because 7 was falsely accused and 6 can't get over it.

Q: Why was 6 afraid of 7?
A: Because 7 was falsely accused and 6 can't get over it.

This answer has never really been explored in the world of the joke, but the answer makes sense. In this case both 6 and 7 are being personified yet again. 6 is falling into the same old trap that we humans would fall into when we are convinced of one thing, only to be confused and startled to find that that in fact is not the case. 7 was a red herring if you will, and 6 is acting as the Sherlock Holmes incapable of letting go.

This brings up the question: "What was 7 accused of?" Many answers. Many, many answers. 7 could have been accused of terrorism, murder, molestation, prostitution, grand theft auto, fraud, cheating in a fantasy football league, or all of the above. There is no limit to what 7 could be guilty of.

But of course that is irrelevant to the joke. This is simply playing on the fact that 7 was falsely accused of some thing, and 6 is falling into the all too relatable and human trap of believing the first thing he or she sees. And that is why this joke is relatable.

Because 7 fucks turtles.

Q: Why was 6 afraid of 7?
A: Because 7 fucks turtles.

This is another great answer for the common question why was 6 afraid of 7. There is no wordplay involved, no great detail into back stories or motivations... strictly speaking 6 is afraid of 7 because 7 is a sexual pervert.

Of course, much like the common 789 answer there is some personification going on here. We don't assume that seven fucks turtles as an integer would an animal. We assume that seven is a human in this situation... which brings to light the tangible elements of the bestiality and "fucking" involved in the punchline. An integer fucking a turtle would not make sense because an integer is not a three dimensional being capable of fucking. A human is. Thus personification occurs.

If six were looking, and he watched seven fuck a turtle, he would be frightened, much the same way I would be frightened if I walked in on my friend Jake fucking a turtle.

Because 789

Q: Why was 6 afraid of 7?
A: Because 789

The most common answer to the question, because 789. Now on paper this seems ludicrous, you might be thinking to yourself: why would six be afraid of three numbers? Do those numbers mean something in a Dan Brown-esque sort of way? Is 789 the area code of a dangerous neighborhood?! WHY IN GOD'S FUCKING NAME IS THE ANSWER 789?!?!?!

I commend you for getting so worked up about this.

The real reason this joke works is that it's a play on words. 789, when written out means seven eight nine. Eight sounds identical to the word ate. Ate means to consume, as in the past tense to eat. Therefore we look and see that seven ATE nine, as in consumed the number following it by two. We then assume that these numbers are personified, meaning that seven represents a human in our brains, who has the audacity and strict bodily mass to force nine into a submissive role and consume him. Thus we picture in our heads the horrifying image of a ripped and masculine seven destroying a meek nine much as a lion destroys a gazelle.

It seems clear to us now that six would be frightened of seven.

No one knows if 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 8, or 10 are frightened. We assume 8 is just angry because his name was used in the joke.